A new post. A new time. A new person (almost).
This semester is really busy because I have chosen much more courses as I took in the last semesters. I am full-filled with doubts in regard to my future and actually I want to do art. As much as never before!
Now I work on project about remembering and disremembering; and LF, the lecturer is very engaged. At the beginnig -to be honest - I thought I would know much more about the topic than the other students. Because of my own experiences but also the ones other person told me. It is a good thing that I was at fault. So I read a lot by Eric Kandel, Aleida Assmann, Maurice Halbwachs. Quite good rudiments to think about. New ways to find something out about yourself. And now I understand much more about people. Maybe I will be at fault later, but now it is the truth. What would we be with our memories? If we try to hide them, to forget them we also repudiate something that is part of our identity. If we want to break that memory we break ourselves.
Of course life is defeated by modification. And we also change ourselves. But between "to change" and "to hurt" is a difference. Maybe a tiny one.. But it exists!
After long consideration I thought about what could I do practically for that project. And I read about hair. Just a tiny note on a poster/advertising one. But a huge thought!
Hair is an important part of collective memory also one of social conventions. Why women are not accepted to have a bald? Why do they always think you are ill or have cancer? Our hair is something we can change everytime we want. It is a part of our body but it is also adornment, ergo nature and culture at the same time. Skin and hair is the first thing to let babies know how to behave with/in space.
But hair can also be something disturbing. Especially body hair on legs, axilla,... is allowed to shave. But why not our head hair?! My own hair is something I really like because it touches very soft and I like the feeling the wind waves it. Though it shows how much time pasts away. And how I changed. THAT hair seems to be the one of another person. The memories -that lie in it- are processed by now. No need to show them other persons. If men have a bald it is a sign of testosteron. Why should not be a female bald something feminine? Long hair and sheared hair are also symbols for swapping into a society or leave them.
I want to take a new life by having the old one in my mind and heart. But not on my head. We are not able to see our highest part of the body with our own eyes without aid. We are just able to touch and feel it with our hands and skin. But there will be no way to take a direct look. We also do not know (except those one who have or had a bald!) what lies under the head hair. A part of ourselves that is quite new but we also take it out for a walk every single day.
SO I want to shave my hair and put all the hair into different objects... You will see, I think I will post the whole installation to get some more feedback. Maybe there will be an opportunity to visit it in an exhibition in March at Erfurt. But nothing is fixed!
It stays enthralling...